January in melody

Earth is a forgiveness school and you start by forgiving yourself - Anne Lamott

We blow fireworks to mark the start of a new year. We want to notice the transition. We want to see how it changed. But more often than not, it’s only the fireworks which make the difference. But the change never occured. Even until the next year, and the next year, and then without noticed, we grow old.

I spent the last moment of 2017, wandering an island (barely) without internet. The plan was to surrender myself to the nature. But I can’t help to be glued to my phone screen once it get the service back while I was tracing the coastline. Human is just like that. When we say we get enough, we keep on accepting another offer of more.

But the nature has another plan to teach me about life. When we took vacation to create another happy memory, the nature gave you a much needed jolt of life. I was drenched from the sea water that spurted everytime our boat trying to pass the wave. We are on our way back from the island. And here I am sitting in the edge of the boat, throwing up to the sea.

I stare at the sea water in eerie through my poignant eyes. I was thinking these are exactly the same water that give me joy yesterday while tracing the coastline. Why am I now feeling scared of it? I look closer and it’s like the wave is saying “You can’t have happiness alone without feeling the misery.”

There, I got to feel the real transition of life. While I was busy to prepare a new start in a new place, the nature teach me that life transition doesn’t require much. It’s only require our consciousness. Without noticing the wisdom, pyschical change wouldn’t take any effect.

But to notice, we need to pause and observe. We can’t notice it while we’re running. So I decided that I want to live somewhere where speed doesn’t really matter. Where people not honking to signal each other to move faster. Where we can slow down in the beach all day from sunrise to sunset. But hey, of course we still have bills to be paid. And family to be cared for. And a lot of wisdoms to be learned. Still, a long road ahead.