For now

So maybe this is what it takes to realize
I am grateful just that I have been alive

I’ve been listening to Japanese-American singer, Kina Grannis’ For Now lately. She actually wrote the song when she was detained in Jakarta for 100 days in 2016. I like this song personally because it reminded me to be grateful for a simple thing like existence.

Because really, what do we look for in life? I don’t know any answer but happiness. And lately, the majority contributor of my happiness is the existence of people that I dearly love. And this is probably not the case before. I was a self-centered person and I always put myself as the top priority. And I think I mastered the art of treating myself well. However, lately, it doesn’t seem to be fulfilling anymore.

I think I cracked that breakeven point of my own happiness. This is my own theory. But I imagine that it’s a limit that tells us that we’re enough and we don’t need more so we might better serve the others.

But the most difficult part of that process is actually figuring out how to navigate different values between us and the people we love. Because when love involved, it’s difficult not to talk about sacrifices. And that is super difficult because we don’t want to hurt either part. And so, to minimize the bias, we have to really strip off our ego and try to see things from a different perspective. And empathizing is so easy to say but difficult in practice.

But again. It’s a process so I’m not expecting it to be easy anyway. I don’t want to enforce my value to someone else since it doesn’t seem to be fair. The best we can do in this situation is perhaps try to comprehend the values of the other side and making sense of the situation. Love is not easy, but I guess the love itself is enough for now.