Thoughts in Welkenraedt

Singapore’s Changi airport was crowded that night as usual. I have a connection flight I need tp catch so I walked down the travelator one after the other until I reached the main hall. Now it came down to me that my gate is on the other side of the terminal and I still have a long walk to get there.

I grabbed a cart to save my back from aching for carrying 1 laptop, an iPad, and a digital reader on my backpack. They’re probably only 7 kilos or so, but I’d rather not to exhaust myself when I just began my journey since I know I’ll have a busy weekend ahead. On that same backpack, there’s a small baby bolster. Cygnus loves that bolster even though he has over grown it. It’s a good thing that we have two so I can carry one of them with me. I love bringing something that I can smell to remind me of my loved one while I’m away.

Fast forward to 20 hours or so later, I found myself stranded in the middle of a small station in Belgium called the Welkenraedt, waiting for my next train. My first train arrived early so now I had to wait for 45 mins instead of 30 mins. I can see people walk awkwardly trying to beat the wind and I remembered thinking to myself what am I doing here? In my head, I regretted my decision to get a connecting train instead of a direct one just to save money. Even locals are struggling with the weather. It was not worth it.

“Gee, I thought I needed this me time, but I missed home”, I thought to myself at that moment. Am I getting old or is it just because I feel guilty about leaving my son behind? At that moment I realized that solo travel doesn’t feel the same to me after having kid.

Couple days later when I strolled over the shopping street in Duesseldorf called Königsallee, I kept thinking about what should I get for Cygnus to make up of our lost time. But I know that didn’t really matter because what I really want afterall is just to spend this exact same time with him.

Last year when I took my first business trip after being back from maternity leave, I remember thinking that I can finally feel like myself again after pregnancy. The freedom from changing baby’s diaper was nice until I video called my son and seeing his smile. On that trip, I brought my son’s onesie that he wore the day before I took my trip.

Then it occurred to me that I have always been like this. I just thought I wasn’t because I’ve never had kids before. Being able to spend time alone with myself was nice, but I wish I could share the experience with my loved ones.

By the end of my trip, though, I realized that I wouldn’t have the energy to spend time with my little monster anyway, had he come along with me. I’m glad he stayed safe at home with my family instead, and I just can’t wait to be back home to see him.